For those of you who don't know, I coordinate a class for senior
learners in Reminiscence Writing. It is generally for older adults
who wish to leave a written legacy to their children and grandchildren.
It is not teaching as much as it is mentoring, directing writers in
grammar, punctuation, and clarity. Some times the writer just wishes
to expose a personal tragedy, because it must be brought to light,
finally. And so it was three years ago.
The classes are not large, and are usually split equally between men
and women, this class consisted of six women and five men, myself
included. We are pretty much in the same age range, early to mid-
seventies, so many of our remembrances are of the same time period.
This particular story was precipitated by something that occurred, and
was widely reported in the news.
The woman writer was recalling her first days on campus as a freshman
in college. She came from a small town out east and was leaving home
for the first time, attending a university in a much larger city than the
one in which she lived. On her second day at the university, she sought
out one of her professors after class to ask a question. He invited her to
his study later that evening when they would have time to go over her
question in detail. Of course, what he had in mind and what she had in
mind were two different things. Shortly after her arrival, she was pushed
up against the wall and was grouped and focibly kissed. She managed to
get away but she was badly shaken, so much so that this was the first
time she revealed what had happened to her.
Amazingly enough, she remembered the day it occurred, the first name
of the professor, the furnishings in his room, and the cologne he wore.
She remembered what she was wearing. After almost sixty years these
things were as fresh as if they happened yesterday. The other writers in
the room listened in silence, and then, as if a dam had burst, five of the
six women all recalled similar incidents, myself included.
The men in the room were dumbstruck, they found it difficult to believe
that so many women had suffered the same or similar trauma. Why this
is so, I do not know. Most women live with this male conduct to a
greater or lesser extent their entire lives. I was attacked while still in
my teens.
I had blocked it out of my conscious memory for years, told myself it
was over and done and maybe it never really happened at all. You can
fool yourself into believing that. Then one day, an arrogant man brags
that he can grab women by their genitals and get away with it because
he is famous. And it all comes flooding back; the humiliation, the
degradation, the helplessness, the nausea, and you remember, and you
can't kid yourself anymore. This is the problem I am having with
Ms. Tara Reade.
I fully understand that she suffered a traumatic event, I am not saying
that what she said happened did not happen. What I am finding difficult
to understand is why her recollection is so poor. You can forget whether
it happened on the third floor or the second floor, but you do know what,
when and how. I remember it all, the man who attacked me had cigar
smoke on his breath, and when he forced open my mouth, I could taste
it. To this day the smell of cigars on a man's breath makes me physically
ill.
There is one other problem I have with Ms. Reade's recounting of the
incident. I was working in an office at the time Ms. Reade was working
at the Senate Office Building. Most conservative places of employment
had strict dress codes, particularly for the woman. Some did allow pant-
suits for women, many, especially if one was in contact with the public,
required a dress or a skirt and jacket. Uniform of the day included dress
shoes, and that usually meant wearing pantyhose. If Ms. Reade was so
attired, what she said happened could not have happened.
I have another reservation to Ms. Reade's claim. The kind of attack that
she suffered is not usually a one off. Men who prey on women in that
fashion are prone to attack more than one woman, case in point, the man
who occupies the White House currently. He has had numerous women
come forth with the same story - it's like bed bugs, if you see one there are
a whole lot more lurking in the shadows. The man who attacked me was
a supervisor overseeing many women in a factory setting.
When I broke away from him, I ran to the ladies' room and there I
encountered two of those women. Sobbing, I told them what happened, they
tried to console me by saying he was harmless, he does that to all the women.
However, they needed their jobs so they put up with it. That was my
introduction to the world of sexual harassment, some of it brutal, some of
it more subtle, but always there none-the-less. I took the cowards way out,
the women asked me not to say anything, it would only mean trouble for
them, so I quit that job. And to add insult to injury, when I used the company
as a reference for my next job, the man who attacked me gave me a poor
referral. I often think about those women who had to go on enduring the
assaults just to keep a paycheck coming.
But the women in Joe Biden's Senate Office have nothing but good things
to say about him, and Ms. Reade is the only woman to bring such accusations
forward against him. Are the rest taking the cowards way out? Perhaps, I
can't be sure. I do know that when Biden was confronted with his 'touchy-
feely' behavior, he has made a genuine effort to control himself, and he has
apologized for his actions.
Now let me say something to the men who may be reading this - if you wouldn't
do it or say it to your male colleague, don't say or do it to a female one. Don't
touch her hair, obviously smell her cologne, or hold on to her arm when you
are speaking to her. If you wouldn't go up to the guy at the next desk and say,
"Damn, you look hot today!", think twice about saying it to the woman at the
next desk.
I'm just sayin'
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