Captain D.J. Trump here: Captain's log - HMS Titanic
April 2, 1912 - went to see my new boat...it is huge, hugely, huge
I mean it is bigly big...biggest boat to sail ever...and new, it's brand
new...no one has ever seen a boat like this...you could get lost in
there...I mean BIG
April 4, 1912 - my boat is coming to Southampton, this thing...this
thing was made in Ireland...I'd feel better if it was made in Scotland,
my mother from Scotland, did I tell you that...good golf courses too,
I may look into buying one...but I'm sure those guys...those guys...
they know ships...they know good whiskey too
April 6, 1912 - Met the crew...what a bunch of guys...take a bow
guys...terrific guys, really great...they have a lot of nice things to
say about me too...doncha fellas...we're going to get along great,
they're a great bunch...stand up guys, take a bow
April 7, 1912 - This guy...I don't know, this guy's up top all
time...I don't know...he's got charts...I mean he's got charts
everywhere...big charts, the biggest, I don't know from these
charts...I'm a really smart guy, really intelligent, smart...
my uncle...my uncle he was in the navy...people say DJ,
they call me DJ, DJ you know more than these charts...a
lot more...I mean I have a feeling in my gut
April 8, 1912 - you know this boat...this ship, they call it a
ship...what do I know...is almost 900 feet long...that's what,
three football fields...not your football, my football...Red
Grange...you know Red Grange...he'd have a hell of a time
on this boat, ah ship...but I got people...people on this boat,
ah ship...they are top-shelf...the top...they don't get any bigger
and do you know why...because this is the best...that's why
they're here...I have the best...class, real class
April 9, 1912 - the guy with the charts...he's back with the
charts...he's talking icebergs...the only ice around here...
I tell him is in the drinks...there's always ice in the ocean
I tell him that...we should lock him below, huh...yea, lock
him up, lock him up...got a call from White Star...the are
the top you know...the number one...they said watch for the
ice...I'm on top of it
April 10, 1912 - off we go...we're shipping off...I'm up top
the chart guy, we got him locked up...gotta look smart...
no hat, can't wear a hat...this captain doesn't need a hat...
I spent 2 hours getting the hair just right...too windy out
here...these guys really know their stuff...these are top-notch
guys...I picked them myself...do I know how to pick'em...
people say that, DJ, they call me DJ, that DJ he can really
pick a crew...except for that chart guy...always with the
icebergs
April 11, 1912 - just two other stops to pick up more
passengers...I don't know these people...these people they
came across the border...they might be swimming across
I don't know...they don't speak English...the might be
murderers, thieves, rapists even...you don't know these days,
these days you have to be careful...watch everybody, they're
riff-raff
April 12, 1912 - took a stroll around the place today...you
can't believe these other folks...these folks know the best
when they see it...they say DJ, they call me DJ, I say call
me Captain...this boat, ah ship, has class...you can tell class
not too bad for an Irish boat
April 13, 1912 - the radioman, there's a radioman here.. is
that the best or what...the radioman says to me...excuse me
here...do you know I can call New York...New York from the
boat, ah ship...I can call Delmonico and get a table...anyway
the radioman tells me there are icebergs...hoax...people are
seeing icebergs, hoax....people are always seeing icebergs...
do you know we cruise at 39 knots, that's what again, I don't
know 40-45 miles an hour...how fast can an iceberg go
April 14, 1912 - damn, it's cold here, and I can't wear a hat,
no hat...it took me 3 hours to get this hair right...too much
wind, always the damn wind...took a walk around, not out-
side too damn cold outside...nice people...no riff-raff, the
riff-raff are all below...probably warmer there though...
we're ahead of schedule...should have waited to call
Delmonico...pretty dark outside can't see a thing...almost
twelve bells...what's with the bells, huh...just say midnight
what the hell was that noise, big noise, the biggest...what's
with the boat, ah ship, oh who cares boat, ship, ship, boat..
the boat stopped...we hit what...so what's a little ice...back
the boat up...what water...this boat can't sink...this is the best,
the best..I only pick the best
April 15, 1912 - what's with the boat, why is it tilting...water,
well start the damn pumps...do I have to do everything...we
have the best pumps here, number one pumps...only the best!
lifeboats, I suppose we can get the lifeboats...who does the
lifeboats...I hired some guy who does lifeboats...hey, that's a
hell of a band, catchy tune, what's the name of that tune...not
too good for dancing tho...I got this...what do you mean do
I take responsibility...no, I don't take responsibility...I didn't
build the boat...Andrews and those Irishmen they built the
boat..where the hell is he....where are the lifeboats...what do
you mean they're all gone...who counted those boats, he's fired,
no riff-raff up here...well all I have to say is if we saved 700
people, we did a hell of a job...great job...great job, everybody
stand up...everybody take a bow
I'm just sayin'.
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